Arrgh - get UP girl...

Can't lie... on a bit of a downer!

I'm having stupid amounts of trouble getting out of bed this morning. I didn't fall asleep until after 7.30am (about two hours ago) so of course I'm a bit tired after only an hour and a half of sleep. I'm also feeling extremely depressed for absolutely no reason - that's just one of the perks of living with bipolar disorder so I'm trying to just ignore it.

My room looks like one of those dirty crack houses with stray furniture and rubbish lying around. It's not actually dirty, but it looks it. It's grossing me out and I want it to go away. Of course it won't go away unless I do something about it but since my head won't stop pounding I think I'll give it a miss for the moment. I've been putting it off for more than a month so one more day can't hurt. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be able to do it (...kidding myself much?)

As I take another look around at the monumental MESS that is my room I decide (for the third time today) to stop looking at it and stop thinking about it. What would my mum say if she were here? I tell myself to stop thinking about that too.

I'm aching from head to toe (probably imagined, but feels pretty real) and I can not make myself get up. The trouble is though, the longer I stay in bed the more disgusted I am with myself. I tell myself to stop thinking about that too.

Cymbalta, and other misadventures

I went to see my specialist again yesterday. My specialist (whose name reminds me of a 'Farley Goes to the Doctor' book I used to own as a kid) is a very intelligent man. He has an excellent sense of humor and is usually very patient. Yesterday he looked less jovial than usual - he wasn't laughing much... he normally laughs a lot. I can't work out if I imagined it or if my powers of perception are a bit off this week... I have a feeling I didn't imagine it.

I feel very deflated after this visit. Normally I have a lovely positive discussion with my doctor about all of the great things I'm doing to keep myself level, then he tells me 'go to the head of the class Vanessa, well done' and renews my prescriptions before saying 'see you in six months' ...not this time. This time he was frowning. He had me fill out a questionnaire to gauge the severity of my depression, shook his head at the results, then introduced another medication to the mix. I pretty much rattling as I walk these days - Quilonum (slow release lithium carbonate), Dexamphetamine, Seroquel (quetiapine) and now Cymbalta. He said he needs to see me again in 4-6 weeks. What a pain.

I need your help... yes you, lol.

I can't wait to find out which side effects I'll be experiencing with this new antidepressant. I already have a metallic taste in my mouth, high blood pressure, constant headache, and constant diarrhea from all of the other stuff I'm on. If you're reading this and you have experience with Cymbalta I'd really love to hear from you. Please let me know what you think of it in the comments below.

OK, enough whining... GET UP VANESSA!!